Hold up...

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 06:13:57 GMT

It's amazing how much I've got going on in my life right now between school, work, graduation, my social life and home. It's all so overwhelming!

I received my acceptance letters for both YCCC and Franklin Pierce University. YCCC was an automatic because it's a community college, but I'm absolutely thrilled about Franklin Pierce! I'm still waiting for USM to come through. I did get a letter in the mail stating that they were processing my forms and would let me know shortly how things went. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

I've gone to two shows in the last week or so. The one at the American Legion did take it's toll, but on Sunday night I went to the Dover Brickhouse to support my friend Josh's band The If In Life. They're basically one of the better bands I've ever seen play. Nicole and Will came with me and we had an amazing time!

I realized this week, and especially after the show, how much I missed being friends with Josh. He and I were never able to be close friends, but I always appreciated having him around. He's one of those people that you can talk to without feeling emotionally drained afterward and I'm really grateful that I've got him for a friend.

Now, my week is starting to unfold. I'm hoping for a snow day, which in all likeliness will not come. However, I will be having tomorrow off from work and I'll hopefully start working on that 6 page research paper that I was supposed to write two weeks ago. Wednesday I've got work, so that day is shot. But Thursday I've got off and Friday I've got off. Barbara will hopefully be sleeping over Friday night and going to the show with me, Will, and Nicole. :DDDD

THEN!
Hopefully!
After the show, I want to chill out in my old neighborhood, and then go up to the movies and see Penelope! :)))
It looks like such a cute movie.
I'm really excited!
THEN!
Sunday I'll be going out shopping with Barbara and her mother to find dresses for Senior Ball.
I'm pretty much going dateless.
Unless miraculously someone asks me to go, I thinking of going stag.
Not a problem though.
A killer dress will make the night worthwhile. :D

AND now I'm exhausted and will hopefully pass out as soon as my lights turn off.
My pup Rusty is already conked out on my pillow.
He's kind of cute, like, all of the time <3

GoodNight

Show at the American Legion in N. Berwick

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 16:42:04 GMT

Friday night was incredible, well, parts of it were.

Nick, Kevin, and I showed up early and went to Carrolyn's to see her, Nicole, and Christina. I had never seen Carrolyn's house before. It's like a fun house in there. The stairs are thin and steep, the rooms weave in and out of each other, and the bathroom has a slanted ceiling so that you can't reach the toilet paper without practically falling off of the toilet.

When we walked down to the American Legion AJ was outside shoveling. I got to talk to him briefly. I spent most of my time with Kevin, Nick, Nicole, Christina, and Carrolyn because I didn't want to be near the Blueberry. First impressions count for a lot with me, and somehow I don't foresee myself liking someone who completely ignores my existance when I try to make an effort to talk to her. Ironically though, she is who I am turning into. Nearly four months later I am the one who likes him and he is keeping me at a friendly distance like he is with her. The only perk I get is that he's willing to kiss me, however, how can I be sure that I'm the only one? He's neither proven or shown that I can trust him. So there we go.

I was at the show for about 20 minutes before Jake Trombley came in. I've never had someone make me want to throw up just at the sight of him until then. Oh, and then it happened again. Mike Penna walked in. And I felt that rush of nausea erupt up my throat. Twice in one night, what a gift. The memories hit me so intensely when they both came in, both horrible and great. Horrible for Jake, great for Mike.

I stayed with Nick and Cory because they made me comfortable. They were my protective blanket that kept me enjoyng my time there and not leaving because I couldn't stand being around Jake and Mike. Jake scares me. The memories I have with him fucked me up so much I couldn't stand to be near him. I never wanted to see him again. I hate him for everything he ever tried to do. I hate him more than I've hated anyone in my life. And as for Mike. I loved him. God only knows why. He treated me like shit. Things were great for a few weeks. Then my mom started in on her rules and regulations that strangled the both of us. And he gave up, and I gave up. I wanted to be 18 so bad so that I could be legally allowed to date him without my mother interfering, but it didn't happen. Things fell apart. And by god, seeing him makes me remember so much bull shit and so many good things.

The music was good, being with my friends was good, but I wanted to be with AJ, to talk to him and enjoy things with him. But he was everywhere and Beth was with him everywhere he went, so why bother? And then when I finally had the chance to talk to him, he was completely out of it. And he was back to Beth immediately after he walked away. I think he should probably consider Beth for a girlfriend, because after Friday, I really don't picture myself waiting anymore for him to come around. I waited for Mike because I loved him for the person that he was until he started to change, I won't wait for AJ anymore.

I don't know what's going on with me... I knew this was going to happen, but I really want to talk to Mike right now. Seeing him and not being able to talk to him really upsets me... I don't know...

The music was good. Except for Parf's vocals. But the rest was good.

Show

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 03:55:24 GMT

So here's the deal...
I don't even know why I'm doing this for him, but, for the sake of supporting his band and The If in LIfe I'm recruiting an audience.
Thus far I've accumulated approximately 9 people.

THE LIST:
Ashleigh Hamilton
Nicole Allen
Dana Hatch
Krista Merrill (possibly, just waiting for a reply)
Kara Vallee (waiting on work schedule)
Jeremiah Kazan
Jaime Vasquez
Kyla
Kevin Burr
Brandon Phinney
and then, Myself.

Lucky for me, I'm actually recruiting people who like that style of music.
My brother considered going, but something came up so he may or may not still be going.

A few of us, (Nicole, Jaime, Kyla, and I) are going to be chilling out at my house after school lets out before the show.
If any body else would like to chill out with us before the show, just let me know and we can figure out a carpool because I have a relatively small driveway.

If you need to reach me/ or have any questions:

Home #: 698-1890
Cell #: 207 206 5740

PS: IF YOU ARE GOING TO START DRAMA, STAY THE FUCK HOME, BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO DEAL WITH JUVENILE BULLSHIT! thank you.

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 02:24:24 GMT

I can't wait for my date with Brady tomorrow night! :D

Enjoying it all...

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 23:52:50 GMT

Life is pretty much all levels of fantastic right now.
I left AJ.
Three months is enough time to waste on someone who can't look further than his own happiness.
I apologized to Alyssa for the bull shit that I put her through and I even sent an e-mail to Sean.
I dropped my Art class so I get out of school early every day.
I also took Friday off to celebrate my birthday with Kara, Nick, Chris, Graham, and Laura.
We all went to go see "The Eye" in Newington.
I liked it a lot.
I felt it was a little short though.
Kara held my hand throughout the whole thing and jumped whenever the music got loud haha.
She's so cute!
At one point Nick ended up holding my other hand, but as soon as Jessica Alba got in the shower, I grabbed my hand back and we both started laughing.
After the movie we went to the mall and ran into Amanda, Dani, Cassie, and Elissa.
They all wished me Happy Birthday :]
I love those girls haha.
The storm got pretty shitty by 8 so we didn't end up going bowling but we all snuggled up onto my twin bed and watched "Treasure Planet".
Kara was the only one that slept over and we got to watch "Amelie".
Saturday, I took her to work and then later on my mom and her boyfriend took us all out to Chili's for dinner.
Laura, Graham, and I ended up going to the mall later on so that Laura and I could get our nails done.
Then, today, I went to the Daddio's house and he gave me 120 dollars and a card and we watched the pre-game show for the Super Bowl.
After Will and I go shopping we're going to all watch the rest of the game together :D
Oh yeah and Will got a race car!! <333 It's beautiful and he's so excited!
I'm so proud of him.
He's got a great job, he's paying his bills, he's getting his diploma soon, he's got a car, and he's just damn fantastic in my book.
He's the best friend I could ever ask for.
I've got him, my sister, Graham, Jaime, Taylor, Nick, Chris, Brady, Garrett, Jeremiah, Kevin, Jerry, Ashleigh, and so many others.
My life feels so full right now.
I couldn't ask for anything better. <333

Decent Weekend

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 20:58:52 GMT

I had a pretty interesting weekend.

Friday I took the day off from school because it was only a half-day and I figured I could take the day to work on my portfolio stuff. I ended up going out with my brother to pick up job applications at Bed Bath & Beyond and Market Basket. After picking up the applications we headed up to Wells to pick up my paycheck. 80 bucks! I was so pumped. We went to the bank down the street to cash two of my paychecks and I accidentally forgot my license in the tube.

We took Route 1 all the way down to Eliot to visit my dad before going to the mall. It was great having Will and dad spend some time together. They're always at odds that seeing them get along was really nice. =]

We went up to the mall to get Will's hair cut. They shaved so much off, it's awesome! haha.

We got back to the house around 7ish. So AJ and I ended up going to go see Cloverfield early. FANTASTIC MOVIE! Holy shit. It was so intense!

Friday was a good night haha. I love hanging out with AJ because there's never really any drama and we can just chill out and enjoy each other. He's a really good kid. I think eventually I'll get used to being around his friends. It's just a lot of people to meet and get used to at once. But so far Jewsh, Dick, and Nate are really cool. So if the rest are anything like them, things will be fine haha.

Saturday I woke up after having a terrible nightmare. I had a dream that I was brought to a party at some shack of a house out in the middle of a field by a friend and when I got there I asked if I was even supposed to be there and my friend said, "Well, you weren't invited and AJ's supposed to be here with a date, but oh well, just hang out". So I ended up trying to leave and when I got to my car I found Mike having sex in my car with some really heavy blond chick. When I asked him to get out of my car he told me to fuck off. So somehow I had a gun and threatened to shoot him and he started laughing at me so I turned my gun to my own head and shot myself. My head exploded all over him and his girlfriend. I woke up right when my vision shifted and I saw AJ standing behind my car looking completely freaked out.

Then, I went to work, and Mike was in the drive-thru right when I walked downstairs... What a fucked day. But Steven was being nice and I got to see Sabrina, Cassie, Ashley, and Kristen. =] My favorite ladies.

Today I went to Bed Bath & Beyond to drop off my application and the manager, Emily, took me out back and had me do my first interview. She told me that it was likely that I would work from 3 or 4 at night until 9 or 10 at night during the week. And then I'd have to work night shift on the weekend. My thoughts are that if I'm going to be working shitty hours I might as well stay at Dunkin Donuts where they're lenient when it comes to school and getting sick. The only issue I really have with Dunkin Donuts is the distance and Kathy is an awesome boss. I'll figure things out no problem. =] I have my second interview tomorrow and I'll discuss scheduling terms, and if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out.

As for officially 12 days from now. I'll be 18! I'm working on designing my tattoo now that I know exactly what I want and exactly where I'm going to get it. I'll even be able to afford it by then! And I figured out my schedule for my birthday and what I want to accomplish that day =]

BIRTHDAY PLANS:
(In no particular order)

Take Will and go pick up AJ
Go to Planned Parenthood to get birth control
Go to the movies to see "The Eye"
Go to Panera Bread for lunch
Get the outline for my ink in Rochester at Body Creations
Go to Best Buy and get Guitar Hero 3
Go home and get mom and Laura and go out for dinner
Go out and rent movies and video games and have AJ sleep over

I'm pretty happy about those plans.

New Year [2008]

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 14:08:48 GMT

I have spent a fantastic amount of time on the highway during the last couple of days, thus allowing me to have a fantastic amount of time to contemplate what goals I intend to set for the new year.

I've had many experiences, both worthy of fond rememberance and foolish regret.

2007 was my last year of being a child, for in exactly one month, I'll be an adult, a legal adult.

A part of me wants to go back to last April and say, "Let's be friends", so that I may have a chance now to make things different, but things will not change.

My friends have grown both tired and annoyed with my unwavering and ridiculous oversight for Mike's obvious flaws, and yet I still wonder if he's happy, whether his grandfather is alright, if he's finally found someone else to be content with.

I'm an overcaring and over thinking mess.

So for this year I will make a stand and set some goals for myself and hopefully they will remain intact until 2009.

Goals:

1. Overcome this pointless attraction to Mike Penna.
2. Apply to USM, UNE, YCCC, and MECA (for kicks).
3. Fill out my FAFSA form and send it in.
4. Go shopping for new clothes, new bedding, &etc.
5. Lose 15 pounds.
6. Get another job closer to my new home.
7. Move to Florida with Barbara for the summer.
8. Build a box castle for Cassie at work.
9. Visit Kevin's house.
10. Spend time with Shawn.
11. Graduate from high school.
12. Draw something spectacular.
13. Yell at Steven for being a lazy prick at work.
14. Stop trading stories between my parents.
15. Make my movie collection reach 100.
16. Not date.
17. Keep up with my bills.
18. Not get caught up in drama anymore.
19. Get some better friends.
20. Switch banks.
21. Keep up on oil changes with my car.

A lot of goals, but I think I can do it.

Oh Berwick.

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 14:33:12 GMT

The house has been signed over to the new owners and we've moved out completely.
I've spent the last eight days living with my dad and June and I'm starting to miss my things haha.
We can move into the duplex on Morse St. on New Years Day, which I'm going to be all over.
I get to pick my bedroom and sleep on the floor until the fifth.
It'll be kind of uncomfortable because we have hardwood flooring all throughout the house, but I think I can handle it.

THEN,
I need to apply for a job at Market Basket so that I can work with Lyssie and Karebear!! :D
No more Dunkin' Donuts for me, hoorah!

But as for now, today, I get to go to work from Noon to 6pm and then I get to drive allllll the way up to Saco and hang out with mommy for her birthday. Laura and I will be sleeping over there tonight and we get to go shopping with the new stash of cash that we got from the sale of the house.

Life is pretty good right now.

My future

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 23:34:55 GMT

I'm going to get a new job soon (hopefully).
I'm going to get my braces off.
I'm going to go to college.
I'm going to do something with my life.
Whether I have a friend to do it with or if I just do it on my own.
I'm going to go to Scotland while I'm still young.
And I'm going to be happy.
My standards just got a lot higher.

Oh People...

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 22:36:08 GMT

I'm so tired of people...

Beg me to interfere and when things go wrong it's all my fault.
Tell me all your shit and when I try to help, don't give a fuck.
Lead me on and then throw me aside and expect me to be neutral about it.
Set me up so that I act on instinct and then fuck me over to all of your friends.
Make everything as dramatic you can and dump your shit all over me.
Spread nasty false rumors behind my back and make yourself feel better.
Misinterpret everything anyone says just so you can claim the problem was caused because I'm a huge selfish bitch.
Make my best friend cry.
Lie to your girlfriend and blame everything the fuck on me so you don't have to deal with it.
Be a fucking pot head and waste your life away with people who only care about getting more substance into their brain to fuck themselves up twice or three times A DAY.
Brag about how beautiful you are and how EVERYONE wants you.
Slap people in the boobs publically because you know it'll make you feel better.
Post conversations in your AIM info about how I'm a loser because I'm not a huge fucking whore who will sleep with anyone that will stick their dick in me.
Give my vagina a monster nickname and sit around a fire and make fun of me with your crew.
Attack my friends with your opinion of me to try and convert them.
Blame me for your relationship falling apart.
Bitch about how I listen to terrible music.
Call me a liar and crazy.
Blame me for everything wrong in your life.

Because if that's what gets you through the day, I'm glad to be of service.
Because when we die, I'll have lived a full life, while you wasted yours away on petty bull shit that doesn't matter.
Because you're an instant gratification-self obsessed cock fuck - with no soul.

You all wonder why I'm so pissy, so bitchy, so riled up about everything?
Taking a fucking look in the mirror and realize how dumb you've all been.
I don't have time to pay attention to any of you anymore.
My life is far more important to me than your pathetic masses of shit.
I'm done, with all of you, I'm fucking done.
I'd rather hang myself from the ceiling than have to listen to one more fucking story about how I'm to blame for everything you've ever done.
Fuck you all. Fuck yourselves. Go to hell.

And you know what's funny?
If none of this is true, than why can most of you name most of the people I've just described?

Weird

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 17:50:47 GMT

Things have been a tad weird lately.
We have to be out of the house by the 20th so we're in super packing mode.
We're moving to Berwick, a little ways down the road from Kevin.
I found out Mike was pissed about AJ.
God knows why.
I haven't been able to do any homework.
I won't be able to do any of it until Christmas break.
I need to find a new job.
I've been having nightmares about Mike acting like AJ.
Again, god knows why.
I have to do the Giving Tree stuff tonight and Tay wants me to pick her up in Rochester and Jaime needs me to pick her up in Lebanon and I don't have any gas.
Hoopah!
AND I haven't done anything for college yet.
This'll be fun.

Wo hen gaoxing!

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 23:49:05 GMT

Today was a pretty average day.
I aced my chinese test and then some.
I passed notes with Babar during SSR.
We laughed a bit.
Taylor and I made posters during tutorial for the giving tree.
I got to sit on the couch and free-write while the rest of the class took a test on Farenheit because I had been out for so many days.
Jeremiah and Chris finished early so they chilled out with me on the couch.
I wish I could transfer the picture I took of them onto the computer from my phone.
It looks like Jeremiah's little head is growing out of Chris's shoulder haha.
Fourth block Mochon got off my ass about the late comic assignment.
I get to make that up sometime this week.
Aaannddd I got to chill out in the auditorium with my art class and just work on my sketch of the stage.
Work was even easy tonight now that I'm not sick anymore.
I totally hijacked a maple square!! :D
I haven't had one of those in so long!
Myyyy favorite!
I even managed to make it home from work on empty.
I was impressed lol.
And now, I need to shower and do my homework for Precalculus and Physics.
Hoorah haha.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:53:03 GMT

We put Mindy down tonight, about an hour ago.
What the hell...

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 19:15:48 GMT

Needless to say, I'm exceedingly happy.

Thanksgiving Vacation

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 03:25:55 GMT

This past week has been an interesting one...

// sunday //

I woke up, was ill, and ended up going to work for barely two hours before I went home. I spent the rest of the day trying to sleep, but ultimately not sleeping at all.

// monday //

After staying up a ridiculous amount of hours reading, I managed to remain in bed, continuing to read until mid-afternoon. I didn't want to leave the comfort of my bed because, well, I was comfortable. Then, when mom came home I had to drive Laura to the school, drop her off, drive to the bank, pay my bills, and then go home. Mom decided to take me out to Johnson's for dinner. It was nice seeing Joanna and Ashley again. It's been too long. Then, mom drove me over to the Portsmouth Bus Station to pick Will up. He wasn't on either of the buses from Philadelphia. We found out he got off at the wrong place and was wandering around Portsmouth, in the snow, carrying an 80 pound suitcase strung over his back. We finally found him near two in the morning. He trekked 13 miles from Portsmouth to Eliot and stopped at my dad's house. It was wicked scary. But I'm glad he's home.

// tuesday //

I took Laura back to the school for basketball. Then I drove myself up to Dr. Faulkner's in Springvale. Four weeks and my braces are coming off. My teeth hurt a lot right now, but it's worth the pain.

// wednesday //

I worked from Noon - 6PM. I drove by Tune Town thinking I might stop by and see AJ. But I chickened out. I drove home in the rain. Will and I went out to Wal*Mart and Shaw's to pick up some grocery items. When we got home mom had made herself dinner and thought we weren't hungry so she didn't bother saving any for us. So, I treated Will to KFC with money that I didn't have. When I got home I spent the night talking to AJ online. He's a good kid.

// thursday // (today)

After only getting a few hours of sleep I got up, got ready, and took Laura to dad's house for Thanksgiving. On our way there, in the fog, we got stuck behind some old guy that was going 10 under the speed limit. I didn't want to be late for dinner, so I tried to pass him. Twice. The second time there was no on-coming traffic. I was going about 70 trying to get by him quickly... Then, the old prick slammed on the gas and rode up so that I couldn't get back on my side of the road. To top it all off, there was a car coming. SO. I put the pedal to the floor and sped past the old guy and flipped him off as I flew down 236. Laura nearly peed her pants. She was hyperventalating in the seat next to me. When we got to dad's house Laura and I got to play Guitar Hero 3. Nicole brought it up. It was amazing! It was fantastic seeing Nicole too. I hadn't seen her in such a long time. Dinner was good. Pie was good. I still wish I had been able to have the Kirkwood traditional Thanksgiving, but I suppose we'll just have to wait until next year when I get back from college. Tonight, Laura and I ended up playing Disney Scene-It. I won and it felt damn good haha.

// friday //

I have work from Noon-6PM. I don't know what else is planned. I'll probably do some homework.

// saturday //

I have work from Noon - 6PM.
Afterward I want to go hang out with AJ at Johnny's and sit through their band practice.
Hopefully I'll be able to find a way to go.
That would be a blast!

// sunday //

I'm probably working. But, I'll hopefully be out early enough so that I can get my room finished up, my homework finished up, and my laundry done. Packing is going to be interesting these next few weeks. Christmas pretty much isn't going to exist. I'm kind of disappointed because this is my last Christmas before I take off to college. I was all pumped and ready to go hang lights outside by myself like I do every year, but now I can't because we need to keep things stored away. We need to be completely out of here by December 27th.

So, ultimately, this has been and will continue to be a very interesting week...

-Sarah

First day back...

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 20:52:42 GMT

I hadn't been to school since last Friday. So today was relatively interesting. I ended up being nominated to help with a senior fundraiser with Jeremiah Kazan. I have no idea what our theme will be for our basket but we'll figure it out eventually.

Chorale went a little haywire. My throat gave out on me a few times, but at least I got to sneak Babar over to come sit with me.

Mom's doing better now. She hated being in the hospital. Every time Laura or I tried to say anything she'd try to hush us up because she didn't think what we were saying was appropriate. Then the lady who was taking care of her listened in and we ended up talking to her for awhile. Come to find out she is AJ's mom... (the bassist from my ex's band). If you ever want to see someone who has some intense skill on the bass. Check him out.

UH what else...? Hmm... I've pretty much been chilling out in my mom's bed all afternoon. Getting out of school at 12:35 is amazing. No work tonight. Finally. Maybe I'll find some time to go to Movie Gallery and rent a game or something. I dunno. Getting paid tomorrow is sweet.

I wish Will would come home from Phili. It's weird not having him around. No matter how much I complain about him. Hopefully he'll come back with motivation to get a job.

National Portfolio Day

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 23:41:49 GMT

Babar slept over my house last night. We ended up staying online all night talking to Kevin, Liz, Nicholas, Kolby, and etc. all night. Babar wants Harley, it's pretty funny. Kevin's become a bit of a cutie.

I burned some cinnamon incense and we both ended up getting sick. My puppy Mindy was sick too so she ended up sleeping all curled up with us. Babar tried kicking me off the bed because she's a wicked bed hog lol. I woke up a bunch of times and couldn't fall back asleep. My pillow was too flat. The blanket was too warm. Mindy was too warm. My pajama pants were tangled. It was just a big pain.

Soooooo....

When it was time to wake up both Babar and I went upstairs and I made us scrambled eggs and a bagel. We then hopped in mom's boyfriend's car with the family and took off down to National Portfolio Day at MassArt. It was long and altogether unnerving, but it was something we really needed to experience. SMFA is definitely not the school for me. They were mean. Hartford was much nicer. They actually cared about the work and cared about the person presenting it. It wasn't uncomfortable at all.

This weekend was good. But I'm still sick. So tomorrow I'm staying home from school and probably going to go to work once I feel better. It shouldn't take too long to get over this.

I love my Babar :)

Appreciated

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 22:04:06 GMT

This weekend was absolutely wonderful!

Friday I went to work and had an okay night. This new kid Steven took out the trash and forgot to put bags back into the bins. People were throwing trash into the bins, thus forcing me to have to dig the trash out with gloved hands and put bags in the bins. It was pretty nasty, but oh well.

When I got home I threw all of my stuff together, called Barbara up, and took off to my dad's house. She showed up a few minutes after I got there. We were so pumped! Then, to add to the bliss of the night, Jason came home!!! I hadn't seen him in such a long time. With Jason, came Chinese food. Lots of it. Barbara and I pigged out and watched 300 afterward (brilliant movie, Leonidas = <3, Gorgo = HERO).

Everyone ended up going to bed before us. Barbara and I watched movies until around 2 in the morning. Then we went in the bathroom so that we didn't wake anyone up with our chatter and hung out for 2 more hours just taking goofy pictures and such. It was terrific!

After we got some sleep, we went to A.C. Moore in Newington and bought stuff for our costumes. You guys will love them when you see them. I even got Halloween off so that she and I could go trick-or-treating in Wells. The only catch is that I have to give Kathy airheads when I get back to work on Friday lol. I love my boss.

Today I ended up working a 6 hour shift. Kathy cut back on my hours because she's trying to reduce my stress level. She has no idea how much I appreciate it.

Now, I'm just chilling out waiting for Kara to get her cute butt home so that we can talk online.
Thank god for a happy life. Thank god for a brilliant weekend.

SAMHAIN WEDNESDAY!!!!!

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 13:01:57 GMT

When it comes to twins, everything down to their souls are paired off and linked to the other. The worst kind of death is that of a twin. Because as soon as one dies, the other loses half of themselves. Split a soul in two and you might as well not have one at all.

In Ireland there is a socially accepted form of twins. They are conveniently called "Irish Twins", which makes fun of the fact that Irish people are so poor that they can't afford contraceptives. My sister and I are "Irish Twins". We were born nearly a year apart. If both of us had been born on time we would have been a year apart. She is my twin.

If you look at us you wouldn't even know that we are sisters. She has freckles, weighs about 110 pounds, blue/green eyes, and dirty blond hair. I am tan, dark skinned and dark haired, and weigh 160. I am the emotion to her expression. She is the boldness to my fear. We are connected heart and soul and the idea of losing her would destroy me.

And from this point on, I am going to thank god every day for not taking her away from me last night.

Brick House

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 19:56:37 GMT

Yesterday was absolutely fantastic!
Laura and I got up early and drove to Berwick to pick Andrew Nelson up.
When we got there Andrew was lying out on his hammock.
Laura kept yelling at him to put a shirt on to cover up his nipple piercings and he refused just to irritate her lol.
We drove to the mall and for once I actually went shopping, not just perusing.
I bought 4 shirts at Pac Sun.
It took me awhile to force myself not to buy anything black, brown, or green.
So I settled for yellow, magenta, navy purple, and white.
Good choices :)

After we went to the mall I drove over to Panera and we all got sandwiches.
I saw cute little Rachel Bacon working.
I didn't say hi because I was afraid she didn't remember me or wouldn't recognize me haha.
Now we're both bummed that I didn't.
Sierra Turkey sandwiches are my favorite food in the entire world!

When we finished eating we drove to Dover and I parked my car so that Laura, Andrew, and I could go walk around and shop some more before the show. We went to Earcraft and I got to look at some of the keyboards. I really want a Casio. But unfortunately they're all wicked expensive. Much more expensive than I could afford.

We also went to the Cocheco Gallery Store and I bought $12 worth the organic soap. My skin has never smelled so good nor has it ever been so soft. 'Twas a good choice.

When 4o'clock hit Kevin and Brett showed up. Things were a little rocky with Brett and I for a bit. I figured he still hated me. Krista had made mention of how much he disliked me so I was afraid to talk to him. But the ice melted and now we get along, which I'm extremely happy about.

Kolby and Carrolyn were the next to come and then Jeremiah. We all chilled out by my car before the doors opened. Then we got sick of standing around and all went inside. Then Barbara came and life got about a bagillion times better. It was so amazing being able to go to a show with her there for once!

It was rough seeing Mike, but I avoided him as much as possible. Jer did say that he wasn't going to like it if I got into a bad mood over Mike and put him in a bad mood. So I tried to remain positive. Brett, Kevin, and Kolby distracted me so we're all set lol.

SIDENOTE: I tried taking a drag off of a cig. BAD CHOICE. I felt like I was dying hahahahaha.

My favorite band for the night was Porphyria. With Porphyria came Shawn and his mommy girlfriend (neither of which spoke to me) and my newly dubbed nickname POD... those of you who were there know what I'm talkin' bout lol.

After the show everyone left and I got stuck in the parking lot because my key got jammed in the ignition. It took me about 10 minutes to figure out what the hell went wrong. And whilst I was trying to figure it out I felt like such an ass for breaking my car when I was trying to get home. Lovely haha.

I had a good night.

Reality Check

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 17:15:56 GMT

This will be my last summer in this house. Mom's boyfriend has already consented to taking me in if our house doesn't sell by the end of the summer. I'm not sad about it. The only person I'll really have a hard time not seeing is Barbara because the rest of the people I'm friends with I just keep in contact with over the internet.

If I stay at Noble we won't have any money for college. And most likely I'll have to keep working 20 hours a week just to uphold my car payment and insurance. I won't be able to do community service and I'll probably end up not graduating. Which is not an option for me!

So, needless to say, this show at the Brickhouse this Sunday will most likely be the last time any of you see me.

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 07:08:37 GMT

I visited Barbara this morning and brought Mindy with me. Ever since her accident and her illness getting worse I feel bad leaving her anywhere. So, she came along. I picked up a couple of pints of ice cream from Cumbies and headed over to Barbara's to chill and watch "Dinosaurs" for a couple of hours.

Laura and I were late leaving for work. Then on the way I was trying to get my uniform on in the car. I lifted up my foot and put it on the dash so that Laura could tie my shoe. When I tried doing my left foot it was during traffic build up in front of Pratt & Whitney because there was an accident. There was an ambulance and a few police cruisers and there I was with my foot over my steering wheel on the dash having my passenger tie my shoe.

When traffic started moving along I yanked my foot out of Laura's grip and accidentally grazed it across my keys, which then caused them to turn and turn my car completely off in the middle of the road. I had to take what ever movement I had and pull over so that I could restart my car. I hear that's not very good for one's engine hahaha.

Laura and I managed to be late by like, 5 minutes. It was a good night overall. I'm just severely tired right now whilst I chill out in a towel after a nice shower and eating chicken penne out of a baking dish.

Yeaaahhh life is good.

Mall tomorrow with Laura.

Isolation

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 15:29:45 GMT

I took the day off Saturday so that I could give my feet a rest.
They've been aching something awful for the past couple of weeks.
Mum even took me out to buy new shoes.
Hopefully that'll help.
Well, after taking Saturday off I found out that I had Sunday and Monday off again!
THREE DAY WEEKEND!
Boo ya.
I ended up getting my new Harry Potter book on Sunday and have been reading it ever since.
Tried calling Barbara a bunch of times about sleeping over but the call went straight to her monotone, depressive, and bored answering message.
God babe, you need to cheer that one up lol.
Then finally I gave up after like 3 calls and two messages.
Monday whipped around and mom woke me up early in the morning to go look at a house up in Dayton.
I really really really really really like that house!
There are even horses next door!
Not to mention Harris Hill Farm is right up the street so I can go x-country skiing as often as I'd like :)
Hopefully we can get someone to buy our house so I can move up there before the school year starts.
That would be a relief.
As it stands I can't afford to do all of that community service, homework, and senior project, and keep a job to pay all of my bills at the same time.
Thornton doesn't require a portfolio, senior project, or community service.
ANNND their AP classes are like our standard classes.
So I'm pumped.
Other than that stuff, I've pretty much been chilling out in my room reading and enjoying the isolation from the world.
I haven't spent more than a couple of minutes online in the last couple of days.
It's fun not being permanently attached to my computer.

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 03:07:24 GMT

Laura started work with me tonight.
She did real well.
I'm a day late on my movie rentals because I didn't have time to bring them back this morning.
I'm working every day this week.
Hopefully I'll be buying a Wii this weekend.
Uhm, I work all the time.
Maybe seeing dad this weekend.
Otherwise nothing new to report.
Hope everyone else is having a fun summer.
Love you
Bye

Karmatic

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 04:56:08 GMT

If there is such thing as fate it is seriously fucking with me now. I spent 3 years with my head up my ass and not considering the advice of those around me. Then, finally, I was able to permit myself a breath of air and a chance to get to know who I am.

Now fate is back fucking with my head. Twisting me in a loop back into a serious session of deja vu that would otherwise have been better off not occuring. I was able to salvage my heart after severe and repetitive breakings. I don't want to that effort to have been in vain.

Stop haunting me.

I can't do this again.